U.S.S. Pendragon
10312.06

Host Gilthanas says:
Before them was a female emitting a silvery light.  She glowed brightly, but it was not painful to the eye, rather it drew the beholder in, welcoming them.  Her hair was long and silvery as were different aspects of her body.  There was a glint here and there as if light was being reflected from the surroundings off silvery scales.

On her lap, she held a ball of string that looked like a tangled mess.  Her silvery eyes examined each of the crewmembers before her.  Some she was familiar with, some she knew well and some she knew not at all.  But all were in someway tied to her.

As the crew looked around, they could see no solid walls, only the colors and swirls with the occasional dotting of pinpricks of light as if one might see if they were inside a miniature nebula.  There was a misty quality around their feet as if they stood on a cloud.

In the background, they could just hear the sounds of alien music.  There was a power and beauty to it that called to each of them differently.  Within their minds they saw their dreams, hopes and wishes.  But they were not stable.  They flickered here and there, changing as the years had changed them.

Some from the past seemed silly in comparison to those gained through experience and/or maturity.

While each of them observed her differently, some recognizing her, they all held the same question in their mind - Where were they?

With a graceful sweep of her arm, the colors vanished turning to the cold reality of deep space.  A gasp could be heard as fear surged through some that they were about to die in the cold vacuum of space.  But nothing happened.  They could still breath and feel and the cold was absent.

A motion in the corner of the room drew their eyes.  A familiar face stood before them. For a few, memories surfaced, for others, it was from their historical readings of the Pendragon – Captain Vn'dor Phail. As they took in the alien formation of the stars as a backdrop behind them, another fact popped up.

They were on the other side of the Romulan empire, 20,000 LY from home; one of the ships first missions under Captain Vn'dor and one that took them a long time to return home.  On Vn'dor's shoulder could be seen an alien creature remembered as Jolade.

Host Gilthanas says:
<<<<<<<<<< A memory >>>>>>>>>>

Host Gilthanas says:
::Behind them a voice of music could be heard.::  All:  Life is not one pathway, but many.  The problem is to know which pathway you would choose if you knew everything about each path.  But then if you had that information, you would never move for there would be no reason, you knew it all.

::She holds up the tangled skein.::  All:  Here is the story of the ship you know as the USS Pendragon, something much more then is seen.  ::She tosses the webbing out and it forms a giant network of patterns not unlike a spider web, yet the strings are a myriad of colors.::

All:  Here is the story of your lives aboard her.  There have been much complaints of what ifs and anger at the way things have gone.  Knowing what you know now, if you could go back and change one thing, what would you change?

CSO_Toms says:
::standing, wondering at the figure from history in front of him::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::stands there wondering what in the universe is going on::

XO_Rofax says:
Gilthanas: Welcome back old friend.  ::smiles lightly::

CNS_Luchena says:
::looks at Gilthanas wondering why here and why now::

Host Gilthanas says:
::Stands, and smiles, bowing lightly to the XO::  XO:  You have come along way too.

CSO_Toms says:
::simple shakes head and smiles... sometimes you just have to go with it::

Host XO_Rofax says:
::doesn't bother giving orders as none would seem appropriate::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::moves towards Gilthanas::

CNS_Luchena says:
::wants so very badly to ask where she took Katia::

Host Gilthanas says:
::Her eyes shift towards the operations officer.::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::unconsciously holding the crystal she still wears around her neck::

CSO_Toms says:
::wonders at the thoughts that Gilthanas' question bought forward::

Host XO_Rofax says:
::looks intently at her::    Gilthanas: One thing?  Only one thing?

CNS_Luchena says:
::despite his longing to know, is too respectful to ask.  Sometimes you just have to trust::

Host Gilthanas says:
CNS:  I did not take her anywhere.  She needed healing that only time could give.  She chose her place.  When she is ready, she will return to your time and place.  Not before.

CNS_Luchena says:
::looks startled::

CNS_Luchena says:
Gilthanas:  Thank you.

CNS_Luchena says:
::feels a great sense of relief::

Host Gilthanas says:
CNS:  You are welcome.  I understand it was hard for you.  It was even harder for her.

CNS_Luchena says:
::nods thoughtfully::

CNS_Luchena says:
::would not change a thing then::

CSO_Toms says:
::without bidding a time, an action, a life changing thing springs to his mind... something that defines him..::

CSO_Toms says:
::the cost of the uniform is sometimes to much::

CNS_Luchena says:
::looks over at the CSO::

Host Gilthanas says:
::Her eyes leave the counselors’ and looks back at the first officer.::  XO:  Only one thing.  Keep in mind though... ::Her hand moves along the webbing::  That all things are connected.

Host Gilthanas says:
CSO:  Is it really too much?  ::Points to a line that was his::  Look at all the lives you touched, changed and helped.

CNS_Luchena says:
::nods at smiles at the CSO::  CSO:  She's right, you know.

CSO_Toms says:
::looks, thinking of the threads that cease to exist...::

Host XO_Rofax says:
Gilthanas: Ah yes my friend.... as it is.  Take away Marat from this existence...... what do I become?  A farmer, a beggar, hard to say.... but not what I am today.  Vn'dor's return... Katia's..... I'm not entirely sure if I am ready to answer that question.

CNS_Luchena says:
::shakes his head sadly::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::thinks about her life ... ::

Host Gilthanas says:
CSO:  Look again... are they really ended?  ::Says nothing more on that.::

Host Gilthanas says:
XO:  Is the question even answerable?

Host Gilthanas says:
::Looks at the OPS officer with her hand around the crystal and smiles.::  OPS:  And what of you?

OPS_Pettigrove says:
Gilthanas:  I have no regrets ::smiles::

CSO_Toms says:
All: Its cost me more then I ever thought I could give. A lover, a mother, a father... and sometimes nearly myself.

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::hopes she has been a worthy guardian::

Host Gilthanas says:
OPS:  You are wise not to dwell on regrets if you had them.

Host XO_Rofax says:
Gilthanas: I believe so.  However, I have a question of my own to ask, before I answer yours if I may....

CNS_Luchena says:
::wonders if there is anything he can say to the CSO that would help::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::nods:: Gilthanas:  I know I have made mistakes ... but I learn from them rather than be consumed by them ...

Host Gilthanas says:
XO:  It is not really my question I am asking, but go ahead.

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::feels the CSO's distress::

CNS_Luchena says:
::moves closer to the CSO::

Host Gilthanas says:
CSO:  I did not say the cost was not high.  But you are still here and have given much if you consider.

Host Gilthanas says:
::Points to a pinprick of light::  CSO:  Nothing is ever lost.  It is only transferred.  Think of your physics.

CSO_Toms says:
::shakes head... a few tears rolling quietly down his cheeks::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::senses all the emotion in the room and is having trouble keeping her own feelings in check::

CNS_Luchena says:
::briefly rests his hand on the CSO's shoulder::

Host XO_Rofax says:
Gilthanas: I have witnessed far more than one could imagine.  This very interaction is clearly the embodiment of these events.  But I know what lies ahead whether I am ready to admit it or not.  So, I must ask....  when it is my time, will I understand it as the others before me have?  Will I fear it?  Will I run from it?  Or, will I embrace it?

Host Gilthanas says:
::Considers his question::  XO:  How you will react, only you will know when the time comes.  It is easy to fear what you do not know.  But you need not fear it.  It is all part of the wheel of life, the webbing of fate.  And you are and always will be, very much apart of it.

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::suddenly remembers her father ... his disappointment and disapproval of her decision to leave Earth and join Starfleet::

Host Gilthanas says:
OPS:  Was he really that disappointed?  Or was he simply sad at knowing you were leaving and the risks you were going to take?

CNS_Luchena says:
CSO:  I can't imagine the Pendragon without you.  Some vital piece would be missing.

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::turns ... angry:: Gilthanas:  He thought Starfleet was below my standard ... He thought I was weak!

Host XO_Rofax says:
::grins and waits - the time to answer is not yet here::

Host Gilthanas says:
CSO:  You have a vast heart... do not be afraid to give it out because of loss.  In the end, you will receive more then you ever shared if you do.

CSO_Toms says:
::just shakes head at Mikal’s statement::

CNS_Luchena says:
::feels a spike of anger at Gilthanas for stirring up his crewmates emotions::

CNS_Luchena says:
::but can't sustain it when he looks at her::

Host Gilthanas says:
::Laughs out loud::  OPS:  You should invite him aboard one of your missions.  ::Points to the crystal:: But he need not come that far if you don't want him to.  The crystal can share as well.

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::shakes her head:: Gilthanas:  He wants nothing to do with me ... ::sits on the floor or whatever she is standing on::

Host Gilthanas says:
XO:  You have learned more wisdom then you think.  Would you change anything if you could?

Host XO_Rofax says:
Gilthanas:  Yes I would.

Host Gilthanas says:
::Turns her gaze toward the XO and listens.::

CNS_Luchena says:
::realizes that this is cathartic for Jordan and Edward.  Is simply grateful he is here sharing the experience with them::

Host Gilthanas says:
::quietly::  OPS:  Deep inside, he will always want you.  On the outside... it is his loss and our gain.

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::regrets hurting her father but she would do it all again ... the Pendragon is her family now::

Host XO_Rofax says:
Gilthanas:  It is a selfish answer and a martyr's answer, but it is how I feel.  I would take away the pain that this crew has endured and make it my own.  Far too many have paid the ultimate price, but by taking it all away.... it only leaves a shell of what they have become.

CNS_Luchena says:
XO:  No!

OPS_Pettigrove says:
XO:  No, Sir.

CNS_Luchena says:
Gilthanas:  Please don't grant that.

Host XO_Rofax says:
Gilthanas: However, you already know this.... and it cannot be.  ::looks intently::

Host Gilthanas says:
::Nods her head in agreement::  XO:  Their pain is part of who and what makes them.  It guides their decisions into thoughtful and hopefully wiser ones.

CSO_Toms says:
::just looks at the XO... an unrecognizable look in his eyes... maybe a kind of hunger::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
Gilthanas:  That would change who and what we are.  We are defined by our action in our past.  If that pain is not endured we would not be who we are now.

Host Gilthanas says:
::Smiles at Rofax::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::senses something from the CSO and turns, concerned::

CNS_Luchena says:
XO:  All I ever wished for was to be a stronger man.  All I ever wanted was to never let this crew down again.  And because of my failures I am becoming what I wish to be

Host XO_Rofax says:
CNS: Mikal, I know the history of your family and this ship.  I have seen you grow from an Ensign to a leader to have it all crash down around you only to watch you resurrect yourself all over again.  You have never let this crew down.  Not even for a moment.

Host Gilthanas says:
CNS:  You have set high standards for yourself that many could not possibly reach, but it is that reach that will one day lead you to what you want.

OPS_Pettigrove says:
CNS:  If you sense anything from me, Counselor, it would be friendship and trust ...

CSO_Toms says:
::his eyes are fixed, focused on the web that is hanging before them, a sense of purpose, and hunger, deep, as he reaches up to try and touch the one that is his::

CNS_Luchena says:
::looks to the XO then OPS::  XO/OPS:  You are too kind.  ::moves his gaze to the CSO::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::moves her gaze to him also:: CNS:  I sense something in him ...

Host Gilthanas says:
::Watches the science officer.  Quietly... ::  CSO:  What do you reach for?

CNS_Luchena says:
OPS:  He would change things...

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::nods and watches with concern::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
Gilthanas:  What would happen to him if he did change his past?

CSO_Toms says:
::runs his finger only his string, backwards, towards where it all began...:: Gilthanas: If I had the chance and the choice, if I could change one thing in my life, I know what it would be...

Host XO_Rofax says:
::stands quietly and watches the CSO::

CNS_Luchena says:
CSO:  Go ahead then...

Host Gilthanas says:
::Simply watches::

Host Gilthanas says:
CSO:  Look carefully at the strands that interconnect.  Like a weaving, remove one strand or add one too many...  ::Says nothing more.::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::moves to stand next to the CNS still watching the CSO::

CSO_Toms says:
::keeps running finger along the string till it feels right... then plucks at it, trying to move it..:: Gilthanas: I would not join Starfleet... it is the one regret that I have... as I said the uniform costs too much sometimes... ::tries to move the string, and sees the web bend::

CNS_Luchena says:
::feels a bit weak in the knees as Toms bends the web::

Host XO_Rofax says:
::crosses to the web and locates his strand, tracing the line until it comes it contact with the CSO's... then simply backs away::

CSO_Toms says:
:looks at the XO..then the web::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
CNS:  Are you all right?

Host Gilthanas says:
CSO:  If that is what you wish... but before you break that strand, keep in mind, it must go somewhere.  Also... note the lives that touch your strand and what would become of you.

Host XO_Rofax says:
::glances to the CNS and OPS, slowly moving toward them::

CNS_Luchena says:
OPS:  I might not have... if Edward never joined Starfleet.....  ::drifts off in thought::

Host Gilthanas says:
CSO:  This connection here, is Gothriac... this one here... ::Stops letting his memories take him.::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
CNS: You might have not what?

CNS_Luchena says:
OPS:  I might not have been called to the Pendragon....

CNS_Luchena says:
::knows that intuitively but doesn't understand why::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
CNS: I can feel your confusion .....

CNS_Luchena says:
::looks over at the XO recalling why he was called to the Pendragon::

Host XO_Rofax says:
CNS: Mikal, that may be true... but I believe the Pendragon found you..... as have I, as has Andrew....  as has everyone here...

CNS_Luchena says:
XO:  Perhaps you are right, Sir.  ::remains unsettled and doubtful::

CSO_Toms says:
::looks at Gilthanas, the eyes saying everything, as they always do... the look of pain, but also, a little of mirth:: Gilthanas: I will not. ::looks to his crewmates:: All: If you think that I would do this then you do not know me very well...

CNS_Luchena says:
::smiles at the CSO::

Host XO_Rofax says:
CSO: Edward, I know you and that is enough.  ::smiles::

Host Gilthanas says:
::Lightly touches the thread, as she does, some of his pain eases::  CSO:  You have learned more then you think as well as have given.

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::smiles::

CNS_Luchena says:
::grins at Gilthanas::  Gilthanas:  We remain intertwined.

CSO_Toms says:
All: I do regret my choice, so many times it has woken me in the night, and if I believed that it would not harm anyone I would change it in a heartbeat, but I am not nor ever will be, someone who is selfish. I will not hurt other to solve my own pain.

Host Gilthanas says:
::Smiles at the counselor, then steps back away from them, her eyes shining::  All:  There is nothing then you would change?

OPS_Pettigrove says:
CSO:  We are your friends as well as your shipmates.  We know that we can rely on you as you can rely on us.

CNS_Luchena says:
::looks at each of his crewmates in turn, then slowly shakes his head::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::looks at Gilthanas:: Gilthanas:  No.  I know the choices I have made.  Some have been good, others not.  But I believe I am a much more complete person due to my experiences, good or bad.

CSO_Toms says:
Gilthanas: I would, but not at the expense of others, and so the answer becomes no.

Host XO_Rofax says:
Gilthanas:  A tempting offer, but the cost is far greater than any pain we have collectively beared thus far.  Thank you my friend.

CNS_Luchena says:
::looks at Gilthanas curiously, wondering again why now::

Host Gilthanas says:
::Bows her head her pride in them radiating outwards.  As she looks at them a look of mischief lightens her eyes even further::  All:  Then perhaps a bit more laughter and a bit less grumbling at your lot in life?

Host XO_Rofax says:
::knows better then to wonder why now.... and simply wonders::

CNS_Luchena says:
::smiles at Gilthanas::  Gilthanas:  Grumble?  Us?

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::chuckles at that::

Host Gilthanas says:
::Steps back further into the darkness, reaching for the yarn that returns to her hand in its multiples of tangles.  The room returns to what it was before.::

Host Gilthanas says:
CNS:  The wisdom of the ages, the most powerful healer.

Host Gilthanas says:
All: Then I leave each of you a gift.  For each of you it is different.  For each of you, it is inside.  For each of you, you will know when you will need it.

Host XO_Rofax says:
::closes his eyes as the room returns, committing the images and her words to memory::

CNS_Luchena says:
Gilthanas:  Thank you.....

Host Gilthanas says:
ACTION:  The crew finds themselves back on the Pendragon a warmth following them.

CNS_Luchena says:
All:  That was a dream right?

OPS_Pettigrove says:
CNS:  I don't know ... All of us having the same dream?

CSO_Toms says:
::shakes head, and moves towards the Crystal Cave, once more to drown the memories::

CNS_Luchena says:
::feels a need to play the piano.  Follows the CSO::

OPS_Pettigrove says:
::feels the need to get very drunk ... follows the others::

Host XO_Rofax says:
::steps to the bulkhead and lightly touches the surface, as the memories of his time rush back to consciousness, he smiles in knowing what was, what is, and what will come::

Host Gilthanas says:
-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\ End /\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-